“Spiritual bypassing is the act of using spiritual beliefs
to avoid facing or healing one's painful feelings,
unresolved wounds and unmet needs.
It is a state of avoidance.
Because it is a state of avoidance, it is a state of resistance.
I personally, consider Spiritual bypassing to be
the shadow side of spirituality.”
Teal Swan
1. The Concept of Spiritual bypassing
According to one of the most used (non-scientific) definitions “spiritual bypassing” is a "tendency to use spiritual ideas and practices to sidestep or avoid facing unresolved emotional issues, psychological wounds, and unfinished developmental tasks" (Wikipedia).
The term was originally introduced in the early 1980s by John Welwood, a Buddhist teacher, author and psychotherapist in the field of Transpersonal Psychology. In his classic book, Toward a Psychology of Awakening, he defined spiritual bypassing as using “spiritual ideas and practices to sidestep personal, emotional ‘unfinished business,’ to shore up a shaky sense of self, or to belittle basic needs, feelings, and developmental tasks.” The goal of such practices, he claimed, was “enlightenment”.
Spiritual Bypassing becomes more and more prominent these days - at times when the planet is shaken by an immense amount of external challenges and uncertainties, such as the recent COVID-19 pandemic, climate change, economic challenges and frustration, wars and so forth (all of them ultimately being an external reflection of our so-called inner world). In addition to the increasing number of outer challenges, also our inner world became more and more distorted over the last generations, with a huge load of repressed anger, fear, pain and others due to (unresolved) trauma being handed over from one generation to the next, together with the growing loss of meaning of life in general and the inability to see and experience the connection between each and every single being (and thing) on the earthly realms.
This suppression and distortion lay the foundation for Spiritual Bypassing, giving the individual a seemingly legitimate ground to rise above negative feelings and emotions and – in more general terms – to rise above each and every (internal or external) “drama” of earthly occurrences. But, it's a rising above by means of avoidance rather than overcoming it by means of emotional maturation and psychological growth.
2. The Effects of Spiritual bypassing
As Robert Augustus Masters pointed out in 2010, spiritual bypassing is inevitable when “transcendence of our personal history takes precedence over intimacy with our personal history.” (Spiritual Bypassing: When Spirituality Disconnects Us from What Really Matters). But what does that actually mean?
When we use our spiritual practice to compensate for difficult (yet pretty common) earthly situations, experiences, feelings and emotions and challenging traits such as the sensation of social isolation, fears of rejection and abandonment in relationships, low self-esteem and other emotional or psychological issues, they actually corrupt the actual use of any spiritual practice. In other words, a spiritual by-passer is using his/her spiritual practice to cover up unresolved issues, “negative” feelings and emotions by means of repression and avoidance instead of facing and coping with the actual underlying (typically psychological) issues and etiology of the challenging momentum.
With the spreading of spiritual practices and techniques (all upfront Yoga and meditation) from the East to the West it became quite common for (primarily Western) individuals to use spirituality as an escape mechanism. And the problem is rooted even deeper: even so-called spiritual teachers are often advertising their service and teachings as a possibility to “escape from life”, to “take a break from the mundane life”, to “withdraw from earthly needs” and so forth. Seemingly, it presents itself appealing for people to go on a spiritual retreat (such as a silent retreat, a Vipassana meditation or even prolonged travels to India) as a simple mean of running away from challenging situations and problems within their home. But what does actually happen when we return back to our “normal life” after such a retreat? Or let´s even look at the situation one step prior: First of all, we usually bring all of our problems, fears, challenges and traumas - basically all of our issues in general - with us to the retreat. It´s not like that we are able to leave them back at our so-called normal life at home just by putting the intention of not packing them into our suitcase. So when we leave for a retreat in the sense of an escape from daily life with all its challenges, may it be for a ninety minutes meditation class or a longer retreat even in another country, we might be able to feel relieved, happier, lighter (and even having experiences and sensations of enlightenment) for typically a shorter period of time during that “escape”, yet, that doesn´t mean that the underlying issue of discomfort has resolved itself by those sensations. It simply means that the actual trauma or fear was probably less likely to be triggered during a Yoga class or a silent retreat. What typically happens once we return home is that sooner or later we are not only returning home in a physical sense, but are also returning back to our normal routine and so-called “normal life” (which is a paradox itself as like yoga classes and retreats are not part of a “normal life”), meeting all of our fears, confusions, dramas and pains and suffer as we tried to leave them behind, on top with the (often painful) realization that nothing has really changed that much.
This finding is by no means a statement of saying that there is anything wrong with any kind of spiritual practice or retreat, on the contrary: any time that is given to our so-called spiritual realization (or even as a mere mean of relaxation and recovery) is wonderful and can be beneficial for our well-being on many levels. Yet, the problem is our misbelief or rather our intention to use any kind of spiritual technique to escape from life. We tend to ignore that no serious spiritual practice or technique was ever meant to serve as an escape or negation of the more earthly facets of our lives as a human being. On the contrary, they are meant to make us experience and feel even more deeply, yet making us more strong, more confident, less affected by and attached to our problems and pains, to let go of unnecessary suffer and yes, ultimately letting go of all of that altogether, yet never by the means of escape but the ultimate realization of our true nature and perception toward life in its full range of a perfect synchronization of all universal energies.
As a result of Spiritual Bypassing, many spiritual practitioners are finding themselves in a permanent state of negation and suppression which not only leads to a frustration of the ultimate purpose of any spiritual practice but also to a growing sensation of (suppressed) pain and anger. It´s a very general finding that any kind of suppressed (negative) emotion ultimately leads to anger, often appearing as an “empty emotion or wave that arises in the ocean of consciousness, often without meaning” (Welwood). It´s the pain and anger that - instead of being addressed and whole-heartedly looked at from all angles (also often referred to as “contemplation”) -, are negated and suppressed, leading to (earthly as well as spiritual) frustration experienced by the spiritual practitioner.
Further, we have to be aware of a high number of human beings that - even while following a rather strict spiritual practice and lifestyle - sense that (at least in its core) the practice was unable to penetrate (or even help a bit) in regards to the reoccurring challenging situations, unwanted patterns and behavioral issues in their personality and - most frequently - in challenging (romantic) relationship issues. We often find people searching for the “ultimate” and “most efficient” spiritual practice or technique that “works best for them”, while finding them completely ignoring the proposition that it is not a matter of the “right” or “wrong” practice or technique (and even less about the "right" or "wrong" teacher), but our attitude and expectation toward the practice. As long as a practice is used as an escape and defense mechanism instead of a tool of complete self-understanding, self-acceptance and self-realization any practice or tool is likely to fail in the light of this expectation.
For means of encouragement, we should keep ourselves aware that with the time and effort being put into the acknowledgement of all types and sources of our challenging sensations, feelings and emotions that are prone to being bypassed, we become more and more capable of learning how to handle them, to understand them and ultimately (but only after going through the process of honoring and contemplating) to let go of them. As the Buddhists say (and practice): to acknowledge the emotion, sit with it, and honor it without repressing it. Basically, to fully experiencing its source and intensity while realizing that it doesn’t have any power over your truest and innermost being whatsoever.
3. Potential signs of Spiritual Bypassing
After having said so much, what are the most common signs or forms in which Spiritual Bypassing takes place?
Choosing to constantly live in a “spiritual realm”, instead of addressing the issues life is constantly presenting in the here and now.
Overemphasizing the positive and avoiding the negative in one´s personality; pretending that everything is perfect in each and every moment even while it is not.
Being overly detached, e.g. claiming of not needing any kind of (romantic) relationship (following the argumentation that we are all one anyways).
Being overly idealistic or overly negative towards the outer world; seeing only the positive (or the negative) in each and every situation, also on a global level.
Experiencing sensations of frustration, pain and anger without being able to address its source.
Engaging in Cognitive Dissonance.
Being self-righteous about the concept of enlightenment.
4. Overcoming Spiritual Bypassing and cultivating our primordial wish to merge with the True Self
As always, the first step of letting go of any unwanted behavior or pattern is to bring the same to the light. We have to first become aware of the possibility of the Spiritual Bypass before we can - with outermost self-honesty - see and observe very closely if we find ourselves in the vicious circle of negation and suppression while engaging into any kind of spiritual practice. It can often be useful to ask for help of a spiritual teacher or (spiritually open-minded) therapist when engaging into that inquiry.
It appears like a cosmic law that everyone having as serious interest in the connection with the True Self has to stop avoiding to face the issues (and needs) of the mundane Self (often also referred to as the self or Lower self) in its full spectrum. Remember the quote: “Yoga is the journey of the self through the self to the Self”. There is a reason why it says "through the self" and not "above the self".
Luckily, the urge to merge with (or into) our Truest Self is already laid out in our deepest essence and will always provide for enough capacity and strength to face and to dig through all kinds of physical and energetic blockages, negative feelings such as fear, sadness or envy, and complicated thought forms or patterns. It´s this act of facing and contemplation that already lay the foundation for each and every (emotionally and psychologically) healthy spiritual practice and engagement.
And yes: Facing all of our dark emotional and even psychological shadows does usually bring up a lot of unpleasant crap to the surface. Yet, it´s of no use packing the crap into a box, putting it in the corner and pretending with a gentle smile on our lips that everything is great.
Instead, it´s our uttermost duty as a spiritual aspirant to look at one´s shadows, re-occurring (negative) sensations and experiences and our overall life theme(s) and everything that comes along with it. It´s upon us to sort them, look at them, feel them, entrust them, marvel at them and accept them. This process can often be experienced as never-ending, challenging and painful.
But the reward that awaits behind a successful process could be worthwhile: A deep and profound foundation for spirituality (and any spiritual practice we might find ourselves engaged with), a form of living spirituality in a form that cannot be shaken by anything and the feeling of deep peace with and appreciation of all levels of our state of being, a being of a spiritual being in a human form as a matured participant in this wonderful phenomena called life filled with the bliss of White Light Consciousness.